Hanging out this week in Toronto at Kristina’s new place got me thinking — which is always a good thing once your brain’s been sizzled.
Last week K and I had a journey — literally and metaphorically — that will be with us all of our lives. We saw huge chunks of the country that we’d only see flying over in a plane. We talked to real people and got their perspectives on life. But we also peppered in deep conversations about life past and present, about hopes and dreams and even fear.
When we arrived in Toronto and met up with Pat, got K’s place set up and took in Toronto with a new lens I kept being struck by something that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Like a thought bubble in a comic strip that was fuzzy and then would fade away completely
I got that we’ve been living profound life changing moments over the past two weeks. I got that emotions were running high. I got that I wished Anna were with us too and that I was glad that she was planning to come out soon for a visit with her sis.
I got that I was worried and excited for K all at the same time. Normal stuff, that all is.
But still there was something else. It hit me this morning.
I was a brain buzz away from never getting to do this with my girls. Had my stroke sizzled me a little longer or had my recovery not have been as successful as it was, I’d have missed out on all of this. Instead of driving cross country with K in a rig loaded down with all of her possessions and talking about life, I’d have been sitting at home while somebody else filled my shoes. Instead of being out here with her and Pat setting up house and showing her the bits of Toronto that I love, I’d be watching TV at my place depressed over not being the dad I wanted to be.
Not only would I have that depressing bit to live with, but I’d get to fail all over again in a few years when Anna finishes at the University of Alberta and she takes the next steps in her life. And because things seem to come and go in threes, I’d also be quite useless to Pat now as she goes through her journey.
It makes me shiver to think of it.
So, instead — thanks to great medical treatment, amazing family support and a thumbs up from the higher power — I’m enjoying this time with Kristina and Pat and preparing for a normal and healthy heart sickness when I have to get a on a bird back for Edmonton.