After my bride’s amazing news that she’d kicked cancer’s ass, I started thinking about ‘why.’
Not right away.
At first I was just happy. Thrilled for her. Ecstatic for my girls. Jazzed for me.
But after awhile I started to get sore.
Why did she have to go through all of this? The pain, the fear. It was awful for her.
Why did my kids have to live this nightmare? It was frightening for them.
And why me? I’m sick of this shite.
My parent’s deaths – mom passing away before she could meet her grandkids – cancer battles for Pat, a stroke for me. It starts to wear on a fella.
In this state I can’t seem to stop myself from torturing my mind with more ‘why’ questions.
Why do some people seem to escape all tragedy? Why are their lives so charmed? Why do they have it so easy?
At this point, I can’t stop myself.
Why do some of us live with so much while so many more live with so little? Why do those with extreme wealth and resources want to hoard it from so many others? Why do those goobers – alleged goobers – implicated in the Panama Papers believe that it’s OK to cheat to keep even more of the wealth they have to themselves? Allegedly, that is… I don’t want those alleged goobers coming after me, I couldn’t afford that J.
Why don’t they flinch when they walk past a homeless man or when they hear about the dollars needed for research to fight cancer, stroke, heart disease…
Why, why why?
But asking why is a mugs game. Why doesn’t matter.
Why not? is a better question.
How many great athletes and musicians were told they weren’t good enough? Many of those who responded with why not? instead of why me? went on to be game changing athletes. Or to write music that has impacted people world wide.
I think we need to learn how to bottle why not?
Spurred on by Patricia and my girls, it was why not that helped me relearn to read and write when the stroke took away my words. Why not? helped me to reboot my brain to the point where I could pull out of it the melon power that I needed to make a living, to be a real dad and a husband again. It wasn’t just why not? There was a lot of rehab, a lot of great therapy, a lot of a lot of things.
But it all started with why not?
On another note, Today –April 9 – is my first born’s birthday. 23. And for the first time in all of those years we’re apart on her birthday. Very sad. She’s in Toronto working on the final strokes of her masters.
While it is very sad not to be with her, I’m so proud of all that she’s doing and I’m so excited to see the great places it will take her. Thank God for Face Time and cheap long distance.
Happy birthday, Kristina!